yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
