Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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