Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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