Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
