Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
