I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
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