she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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