OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
