So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
