My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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