If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
