doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
