the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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