He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
