Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
