I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
