I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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