You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
