On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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