I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
