Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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