I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
