i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
