The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
