we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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