Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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