Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Randomize
