I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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