Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She needs sedatives and a leash
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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