So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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