I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
