Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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