Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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