birth control should be required to get into college
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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