My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
