Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
