i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
