Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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