i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
