Is it normal to miss your booty call?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
