ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
