she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
