she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
