Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
