if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
