It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
