You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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