I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
We got so high we made milksteak
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
