Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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