Where did you get a picture of my penis
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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