I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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