i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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