So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
