I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
