Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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