this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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