bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
