My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
