I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
