I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
